there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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