you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
