Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
