do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
