Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
