About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
