he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
