On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
