someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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