She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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