She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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