and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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