You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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