Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
