I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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