it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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