Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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