All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
