11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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