The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
