Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
