i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
