and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize