btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
