sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
