I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
