I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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