The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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