Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize