Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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