If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
