1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
