I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
