so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my poor anus
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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