I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
