she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
