I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
