Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
