i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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