I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
