so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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