Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
