Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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