It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
