Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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