I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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