Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
