dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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