:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
