I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
As shirtless as possible
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
