This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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