I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
