I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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