Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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