R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
