I want to make a zoo with you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
