did you get engaged???
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
