Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you traded sex for a burrito?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
