If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
