you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
