I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
