I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
