Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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