I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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