If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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