I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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