So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
