real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize