I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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