Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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