Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
