did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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