he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
