She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
