The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
