I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
